The speaker talks about special “open conflict” classes for for kids and adults – perhaps martial arts training in schools should be compulsory?
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Excellent post!!!
The most interesting and rewarding conversations to me seem to be when there’s a balance between agreeableness and constructive arguments. The trend has been for males to lean towards argumentativeness (to establish status and to seek challenge/adventure), while females lean towards over agreeableness (to build acceptance and comfort, often at the expense of individuality), at least initially.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Language_and_gender#Speech_practices_associated_with_gender
One communication trick, if required, is to sandwich the argument(criticism) between agreements(complements).
agreement: hey, that’s great what you did.
argument: this portion though, would be better if you did XYZ instead…
agreement: …but apart from that bit I mentioned, overall, it’s all pretty excellent.
Sandwiching helps to get criticism past the “reptilian brain’s” automatic defences, so “higher brain” centres can have a chance to consider it.
Most post-secondary schools offer courses on critical thinking, but as the speaker said, it’s a little late at that stage.
I found an interesting comment in a book about a couple’s compatibility – of how much open conflict/argument/playful teasing can a person handle. There are major individual differences and the level in a couple has to be approximately the same. I can handle lots!
. Obviously it has to come from a respectful place though.
That is a fantastic Ted Talk!!! Thank you so much for posting and forwarding that to me! I was raised with that idea, but to bring it forward to others so that they too might gain from it has been very difficult, this lady so aptly demonstrates it’s advantages and need to do throughout our society!